


Dear Friend

by WriteWithoutPens



Category: South Park, South Park RPF
Genre: M/M, style
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:20:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23353834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WriteWithoutPens/pseuds/WriteWithoutPens
Summary: "Gradually, I saw how much you loved her, and the pain kept growing in my chest when I looked at my reflection in the mirror and realized that I wasn't her".Stan Marsh x Kyle Broflovski
Relationships: Kyle Broflovski & Stan Marsh, Kyle Broflovski/Stan Marsh, Stan - Relationship
Comments: 3
Kudos: 32





	Dear Friend

_Dear friend,_

It seems like decades since the last time we talked, and I think if it was up to you, and I didn't write you this letter, more time would pass. More time without me hearing from you and you still being mad at everything that happened and especially with me.

I sent messages to you, countless messages, and all of them were ignored. I don't want to fight over this, but I find it unfair that you didn't even give me a chance to explain my version of everything that happened.

I wish I could say all that i need to, open my chest, right in front of you but it's not like I can. It's not that simple. Talking to you in person would mean having to look you in the eye and it would hurt me to see your angry expression once again when you faced me. I can't handle it again.

_At least i finally gathered the courage to write this letter as soon as I realized what really happened. It was all a misunderstanding and I hope you can understand that the same way i did._

_Love isn't just blind, Stan. Love blinds people, and something other than love is the idea of loving someone. You didn't love her, if you really loved her you wouldn't have sent me so many desperate texts thinking about break up your relationship with Wendy, you wouldn't smile so much and show relief when she walked out of the room, you wouldn't make lame excuses for not answering her calls when, in reality, you just didn't wanted to_ _talkt_ _to her, and the most important, you wouldn't have turned away from me._

_Your dating was never purely true. You could've told everyone that you and her were a couple, you could even show various forms of affection in public, but at no point did you show that you really loved her. You loved her beauty, you loved the affection she gave you, you loved all the attention you could get from an amazing girl, and that's it._

_In fact, all you wanted from her was a constant approval from someone you thought was better than you so that you wouldn't feel so bad about yourself, we both know that you have serious self-esteem issues. And I know all of this because I know you better than everyone._

_When did you think what you felt for her was love? Why are you the only one who doesn't understand that it wasn't?_

_And then you two broke up. She was the one who broke up. she ended with everything. Because she could see this that we all saw too, she could see how true love only came from one side and realized how she would only get hurt if she continued with the relationship. And in my opinion she had realized it a long time ago. Even before breaking up with you, Wendy was already seeing other people. She wasn't_ _doinf_ _the right thing when she cheated on you, but it's not just her fault._

_Even_ _thoug_ _you didn't like her you got devastated, and who stood by your side and_ _gaved_ _you a shoulder to cry about? Me, your SBF. I stood by your side every time you two broke up during your long term relationship and it tires me, Stan. It tires having to see you suffering for someone who won't have a future with you, someone who doesn't love you anymore, and someone you didn't loved, and when I decided to tell you everything I thought about your relationship you changed with me. Is like you turned into another person, someone i never wanted to meet._

_I kept wondering for a long time why you attacked me with words that way just because I talked about an ex of yours, but just now I wondered that maybe you thought I liked her, so I was trying to get you away and give up on her because I was the one she cheated you with._

_I never liked her, Stan. Never... her._

_I liked you, I liked being by your side._

_My attraction for you started when we were in 7th grade, it was a tough year and, somehow, your presence managed to make it more bearable._

_Oh, the power that your smile had on me, the power it had to send all the melancholy away, it's like it didn't matter whatever happened the day before or if I had the worst night of my life, you could, in a way, disperse all these bad thoughts, all my uneasiness, and it's as if everything that was inside my head in the moment just disappeared, just to make room for your smile. The real problem started when you became my only thought and nothing else could get you out of my head._

_Your face used fo be the first thing I dreamed when I woke up and the last thing on my mind before I fell asleep. My notebook became full of writings of our names mixed together._

_I began to formulate images of how I wanted my future to be, and you were in all of them as well. You were everywhere. You were everything._

_Thoughts kept spinning on in endless loops, loops that screamed your name and made me wonder what it would be like to sleep with you by my side._

_And the more I saw and thought about you the worse my nights got. Gradually, I saw how much you loved Wendy, and the pain kept coming when I looked at my reflection in the mirror and saw that I wasn't her. You could look at me but not with the same passionate eyes you would looking at her. You could smile at me but it wasn't the same way you used to gave her a big pure smile. You could say good morning to me but not with the same tone and joy that you said good morning to her. You could hug me but it was nowhere near the way you would wrapped her into your warm arms. You could kiss me but you just chose to kiss her lips._

_I thought that if you weren't with her anymore, maybe you would have a special place for me. If you had a special place for me, maybe I could take her place. And if I took her place you would treat me the same way you treated her._

_How I was wrong. I was as much emerged in lies as you are. I wanted something real, not your desperate acts of affection from someone you never loved. I was selfish._

_Worst of all, I can't get over you, the Stan in my head screams louder than anything, even after years of realizing that you would never be with me I keep imagining a future with you, and the truth of me writing this letter is because I can't take it anymore without talking to you, I can't contain tears when I see you avoiding looking at me, the truth is that I love y---_

I stop writing.   
He can't read this, not this.   
I want him to just forgive me not know everything.   
I will try to write another one tomorrow.


End file.
